Shades💋of 💋Dominique

Let go…

I wish I was angry and ready to throw up my fists and fight. Curse you out, call you names, hurt you like you hurt me. But I can’t, my love for you won’t even allow it. I just feel pain and sadness. All I can do is try to keep myself from crying, put on a brave face and pretend my heart isn’t aching. Desperately trying not reach out to you. Even though I know that it’s over, I keep hoping everything will go back to how it was…when you were feeling me like I was feeling you. When it was mutual and each day we looked forward to another moment with each other. When every conversation came naturally and I was always on your mind. I opened up to you in a way that I wasn’t used to…I expressed my fears, insecurities, and very personal information. You were so easy to talk to, you made me feel so comfortable and like everything would be alright. I trusted you, I’d fallen in love with you, and I thought we’d be together forever.
Usually I love and accept change but the change in you was something hard for me to deal with. You explained the reason for the change but I just could not accept it. I overreacted, whined, complained, worried, and second guessed everything you said. I love you and the fear of you leaving me was heartbreaking. Everything I was doing to try to keep you was pushing you farther away. Conversations begun to feel forced and unnatural, our once 10 paragraph messages became 10 word infrequent texts, no more phone calls, no more random video updates, no more good mornings, no more being called your baby.
I wish I could make this pain in my heart go away because it’s taking over my whole body. I know what I feel for you is real and it’s hard for me to get out of bed. I can barely eat, can’t sleep, can hardly make it through the day. What hurts even more is that you don’t understand how I feel and don’t even try to sympathize. To you I’m overreacting, expecting too much too soon, and basically you think I’m tripping. That’s how I know you don’t love me and what we had was a figment of my imagination. Real love would have empathized, understood, apologized, took steps to make it better, and reassured me. 
I have to let this go. I have to let you go because you have already let go of me…

This entry was published on March 22, 2017 at 1:58 am. It’s filed under Beauty, Blogging, Dailypost, Diary, Heartache, Journaling, Live, Love, Memories, passion, Relationships, Self love, Selfie, Sex, spokenword, Then and Now, Thoughts, Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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